My Prayer
That according to the riches of his glory he may grant me to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith--that I, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that I may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Taken from Ephesians 3:16-21 ESV)
I'm full of knowledge. Yet love is so far from me. I'm tired of loving myself and my sin. I want to love His Body and His Sheep, both the lost and the found. I want to be compelled as Paul was by the message of reconciliation. I want to know the fear of the Lord, therefore seeking to persuade others to repent and believe. I want to stop typing and talking and thinking about how I want to love people and actually start DOING IT. Blah. As frustrating as it is to feel so stuck in selfishness and sin, the passage of Scripture above gives me so much hope. The words are so powerful and proclaim such amazing truth and promises. Praise God that He is faithful to His promises.
As I ask He will do MORE then I could ever ask for or think. But I have to ask. I have to.
Check out 2 Co. 2:14-6:2 I know it is long but its such a good passage. Amazing truth to meditate on.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Word Lives
Psalm 119 blows me away. Every time I read it, my heart screams a resounding "YES!" to the Psalmist's words. It's the longest Psalm yet I find that I often lose myself in it, enthralled with the truth and life that is found within. Though I struggle much with prayer these verses quickly turn into heartfelt cries to God. Verses woven into beautiful prayers.
"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law." vs.18
"Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!" vs.29
"Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart. Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things and give me life in your ways." vs.34-37
"Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise." vs.41
"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life." vs.50
"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. You are good and do good; teach me your statutes." vs.67-68
"It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes." vs.71
And the verses go on....and on....and on....I LOVE IT!
I know so many Christians struggle with reading the Word. And I know that those who do read regularly struggle with finding the Life that is locked away in the pages. I've always been a reader, so reading the Bible is not hard for me. However, I often struggle immensely with finding the life that is in this Living Word. It's so easy just to read, so easy just to go through the motions and expect God to slap me on the side of the head with a great revelation. Well, guess what, He can do that, but most often He chooses not to.
Why you ask? Because He yearns for us to interact with HIM. If He just poured revelation on us every time we simply read a sentence where would our seeking be? He desires us to pursue Him in prayer, to open our hearts to Him so that His Spirit can teach us and transform us. The Word exists for this very purpose, that when we read it, we have the opportunity to encounter the Living God! How amazing is that! Ahhhhh yet so many times we read His words with the indifference of a psychology text book.
Father, forgive us. Forgive us for not striving hard to seek you, forgive us for giving up when Your Word seems to difficult for us. Forgive us for storing knowledge in our heads but keeping our hearts far from you.
We are living in a barren land. So thirsty are we, chasing mirages of truth only to find dry sand. If only we'd see that we stand on a dry river bed and that beneath our feet, beneath this sand lies a stream of Living Water. But we must dig, we must toil, we must sweat to reach it. It won't be easy, in fact, we will often times be tempted to give up hope. But the promise remains and the strength to endure is within us. The journey is hard and the afflictions are many, but oh to taste this sweet Living Water! Oh the joy of seeing that precious trickle when we finally break through. Then seeing that trickle become a stream....that stream, a river....that river, a flood. And through a lifetime of labor, we find ourselves bathing and drinking in an Ocean of Living Water. All of this in the midst of a dry and barren land. And other, thirsty, wandering souls will stumble upon our oasis and drink deeply, giving them the strength they need to dig their own well. More and more people will come, being refreshed and revived. More and more people will dig and discover Living Water. And soon, this dry and thirsty land will be no more. Soon, the trees of abundance shall return bearing fruit. The land will be transformed from a once barren desert to a Garden so beautiful, so breathtakingly glorious, to use words would only degrade its beauty. We wait for this day with eager longing and expectation.
That my friends, is why we read the Word, that is why we toil and wrestle.
"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life."
"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law." vs.18
"Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!" vs.29
"Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart. Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it. Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things and give me life in your ways." vs.34-37
"Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise." vs.41
"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life." vs.50
"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. You are good and do good; teach me your statutes." vs.67-68
"It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes." vs.71
And the verses go on....and on....and on....I LOVE IT!
I know so many Christians struggle with reading the Word. And I know that those who do read regularly struggle with finding the Life that is locked away in the pages. I've always been a reader, so reading the Bible is not hard for me. However, I often struggle immensely with finding the life that is in this Living Word. It's so easy just to read, so easy just to go through the motions and expect God to slap me on the side of the head with a great revelation. Well, guess what, He can do that, but most often He chooses not to.
Why you ask? Because He yearns for us to interact with HIM. If He just poured revelation on us every time we simply read a sentence where would our seeking be? He desires us to pursue Him in prayer, to open our hearts to Him so that His Spirit can teach us and transform us. The Word exists for this very purpose, that when we read it, we have the opportunity to encounter the Living God! How amazing is that! Ahhhhh yet so many times we read His words with the indifference of a psychology text book.
Father, forgive us. Forgive us for not striving hard to seek you, forgive us for giving up when Your Word seems to difficult for us. Forgive us for storing knowledge in our heads but keeping our hearts far from you.
We are living in a barren land. So thirsty are we, chasing mirages of truth only to find dry sand. If only we'd see that we stand on a dry river bed and that beneath our feet, beneath this sand lies a stream of Living Water. But we must dig, we must toil, we must sweat to reach it. It won't be easy, in fact, we will often times be tempted to give up hope. But the promise remains and the strength to endure is within us. The journey is hard and the afflictions are many, but oh to taste this sweet Living Water! Oh the joy of seeing that precious trickle when we finally break through. Then seeing that trickle become a stream....that stream, a river....that river, a flood. And through a lifetime of labor, we find ourselves bathing and drinking in an Ocean of Living Water. All of this in the midst of a dry and barren land. And other, thirsty, wandering souls will stumble upon our oasis and drink deeply, giving them the strength they need to dig their own well. More and more people will come, being refreshed and revived. More and more people will dig and discover Living Water. And soon, this dry and thirsty land will be no more. Soon, the trees of abundance shall return bearing fruit. The land will be transformed from a once barren desert to a Garden so beautiful, so breathtakingly glorious, to use words would only degrade its beauty. We wait for this day with eager longing and expectation.
That my friends, is why we read the Word, that is why we toil and wrestle.
"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life."
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I couldn't have said it better......
From today's morning reading of C.H. Spurgeon.
"Behold, he prayeth."
-- Acts 9:11
Prayers are instantly noticed in heaven. The moment Saul began to pray
the Lord heard him. Here is comfort for the distressed but praying
soul. Oftentimes a poor broken-hearted one bends his knee, but can only
utter his wailing in the language of sighs and tears; yet that groan
has made all the harps of heaven thrill with music; that tear has been
caught by God and treasured in the lachrymatory of heaven. "Thou
puttest my tears into thy bottle," implies that they are caught as they
flow. The suppliant, whose fears prevent his words, will be well
understood by the Most High. He may only look up with misty eye; but
"prayer is the falling of a tear." Tears are the diamonds of heaven;
sighs are a part of the music of Jehovah's court, and are numbered with
"the sublimest strains that reach the majesty on high." Think not that
your prayer, however weak or trembling, will be unregarded. Jacob's
ladder is lofty, but our prayers shall lean upon the Angel of the
covenant and so climb its starry rounds. Our God not only hears prayer
but also loves to hear it. "He forgetteth not the cry of the humble."
True, he regards not high looks and lofty words; he cares not for the
pomp and pageantry of kings; he listens not to the swell of martial
music; he regards not the triumph and pride of man; but wherever there
is a heart big with sorrow, or a lip quivering with agony, or a deep
groan, or a penitential sigh, the heart of Jehovah is open; he marks it
down in the registry of his memory; he puts our prayers, like rose
leaves, between the pages of his book of remembrance, and when the
volume is opened at last, there shall be a precious fragrance springing
up therefrom.
"Faith asks no signal from the skies,
To show that prayers accepted rise,
Our Priest is in his holy place,
And answers from the throne of grace."
Sometimes groaning is exactly what we need to do.
"Behold, he prayeth."
-- Acts 9:11
Prayers are instantly noticed in heaven. The moment Saul began to pray
the Lord heard him. Here is comfort for the distressed but praying
soul. Oftentimes a poor broken-hearted one bends his knee, but can only
utter his wailing in the language of sighs and tears; yet that groan
has made all the harps of heaven thrill with music; that tear has been
caught by God and treasured in the lachrymatory of heaven. "Thou
puttest my tears into thy bottle," implies that they are caught as they
flow. The suppliant, whose fears prevent his words, will be well
understood by the Most High. He may only look up with misty eye; but
"prayer is the falling of a tear." Tears are the diamonds of heaven;
sighs are a part of the music of Jehovah's court, and are numbered with
"the sublimest strains that reach the majesty on high." Think not that
your prayer, however weak or trembling, will be unregarded. Jacob's
ladder is lofty, but our prayers shall lean upon the Angel of the
covenant and so climb its starry rounds. Our God not only hears prayer
but also loves to hear it. "He forgetteth not the cry of the humble."
True, he regards not high looks and lofty words; he cares not for the
pomp and pageantry of kings; he listens not to the swell of martial
music; he regards not the triumph and pride of man; but wherever there
is a heart big with sorrow, or a lip quivering with agony, or a deep
groan, or a penitential sigh, the heart of Jehovah is open; he marks it
down in the registry of his memory; he puts our prayers, like rose
leaves, between the pages of his book of remembrance, and when the
volume is opened at last, there shall be a precious fragrance springing
up therefrom.
"Faith asks no signal from the skies,
To show that prayers accepted rise,
Our Priest is in his holy place,
And answers from the throne of grace."
Sometimes groaning is exactly what we need to do.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
So I was writing a letter to a friend and on the back page I've started to write random quick poems just for the fun of it. It's a challenge to get me writing and not worrying about whether or not it is "good" or not. I've been thinking a lot about how for most of my life I suffered alone. In my depression, anxiety, sinful addictions, loneliness, etc. I suffered alone and was bitter because of it. Angry at others and angry at God I was such an angry and bitter person. This is what was borne as I journey on the path of restoration. I see so many people alone, suffering silently and it breaks my heart. This is my heart cry and plea. Open your mouth and speak, cry out in pain. Don't be afraid to manifest the heavy burdens on your heart. Christ gave us the Church, each other, that we might bear one another's burden. You don't have to carry it alone. Swallow your pride and take my hand. We need each other.
Silent Sufferer
All alone, here I stand
Longing for an outstretched hand
To look upon my hopeless state
To listen well and not berate
The honest thoughts and feelings too
That torment my soul piercing me through
To sit with me in the muck and mire
To endure my musings and not tire
But why is my heart endlessly alone?
This is my bitter cup, why, I bemoan
Can no one see my broken heart?
Does no one here, have grace to impart?
Selfish people how can they not see?
The pain, the anguish, inside of me
Angry and frustrated, shaking my fist
I guess I’ll just sit here, so I insist
As I sit here, self-pity is mine
Cynical, hopeless, pride is my crime
So consumed with myself, so focused on me
I’m blind to the reality, the truth I don’t see
People who love and notice my face
Words offered freely, much needed grace
Brothers who have known the pain full well
Sisters who have experienced my very same hell
But I’m deaf to their words, I’m blind to their love
I’d rather pity myself then receive grace from above
Silent sufferer am I by will and by choice
Crying out to God, but ignoring His Voice.
In Love, in Grace, and in Truth, for His Glory and my joy,
Brandon
Silent Sufferer
All alone, here I stand
Longing for an outstretched hand
To look upon my hopeless state
To listen well and not berate
The honest thoughts and feelings too
That torment my soul piercing me through
To sit with me in the muck and mire
To endure my musings and not tire
But why is my heart endlessly alone?
This is my bitter cup, why, I bemoan
Can no one see my broken heart?
Does no one here, have grace to impart?
Selfish people how can they not see?
The pain, the anguish, inside of me
Angry and frustrated, shaking my fist
I guess I’ll just sit here, so I insist
As I sit here, self-pity is mine
Cynical, hopeless, pride is my crime
So consumed with myself, so focused on me
I’m blind to the reality, the truth I don’t see
People who love and notice my face
Words offered freely, much needed grace
Brothers who have known the pain full well
Sisters who have experienced my very same hell
But I’m deaf to their words, I’m blind to their love
I’d rather pity myself then receive grace from above
Silent sufferer am I by will and by choice
Crying out to God, but ignoring His Voice.
In Love, in Grace, and in Truth, for His Glory and my joy,
Brandon
Friday, August 21, 2009
As I was reading....
So as I'm close to wrapping up Matthew I was reading in chapter 27 today. This is an extremely heavy and turbulent chapter as it goes through Jesus' accusations, his condemnation, his torture, his death, and his burial. It is intense in so many ways and arouses many emotions from anger, to guilt, to confusion, to hope.
Though there is so much that I could talk about in reference to this chapter I just wanted to briefly share what came to my attention for the first time as I was reading this morning. In verses 15-26 Pilate is addressing the crowd concerning whether or not Jesus or Barabbas should be condemned. The crowd being convinced by the Pharisees cry out condemnation, "Let him be crucified!" What hit me afresh this time reading through this series of events was verse 25 when the crowd cries out, "His blood be on us and on our children!" I noticed for the first time that those who condemned Jesus were prophets! You may ask how and I shall explain. When they cried out that Christ's blood be on them and their children that quite literally became true in His death and resurrection. Jesus, being the Spotless Lamb, was sacrificed for our sins and His blood is our atonement. So while the crowd was crying out in hatred, demanding to shed his blood, God in His amazing sovereignty orchestrated the requirement that the blood of Christ MUST be on us and our children if we are too gain eternal life.
I thought it was one of those cool little reminders of God transforming the evil motives and actions of mankind into the glorious redemption of mankind through the death and resurrection of His Son.
Though there is so much that I could talk about in reference to this chapter I just wanted to briefly share what came to my attention for the first time as I was reading this morning. In verses 15-26 Pilate is addressing the crowd concerning whether or not Jesus or Barabbas should be condemned. The crowd being convinced by the Pharisees cry out condemnation, "Let him be crucified!" What hit me afresh this time reading through this series of events was verse 25 when the crowd cries out, "His blood be on us and on our children!" I noticed for the first time that those who condemned Jesus were prophets! You may ask how and I shall explain. When they cried out that Christ's blood be on them and their children that quite literally became true in His death and resurrection. Jesus, being the Spotless Lamb, was sacrificed for our sins and His blood is our atonement. So while the crowd was crying out in hatred, demanding to shed his blood, God in His amazing sovereignty orchestrated the requirement that the blood of Christ MUST be on us and our children if we are too gain eternal life.
I thought it was one of those cool little reminders of God transforming the evil motives and actions of mankind into the glorious redemption of mankind through the death and resurrection of His Son.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Trying to verbalize.....
So my life is pretty uncertain right now. I guess if you put it in its proper perspective it has always been uncertain in the sense that I do not know what is ahead. Only God knows. But the past months have brought this Truth to the forefront in my life. It's so much more then just knowing what job I'm going to get or where I might live. It's deeper and it is bringing me face to face with the decision to trust or too flee. Will I trust that God has a GOOD plan for my life, for the next month, for tomorrow? Or will I flee and hide in anxiety and fear, refusing to actively seek my Father who promises to provide?
I feel as if I've been drifting lately, numb in a lot of ways, confused in so many others. I was thinking today wondering what the source of this numbness, semi-apathy. I'm wondering if its a defense mechanism to keep myself from totally freaking out about all the unknowns in my life. It's just a theory, but I maybe I'm repressing emotions and trying to hide my fear. Hmmmmmm.....interesting.
Emotions have not been completely fleeting from me though, so its not like I'm paralyzed. I'm still hopeful and so that keeps me from falling into a spiritual panic, because one of my greatest fears is being spiritually apathetic and numb. I've been wrestling some with sadness, though its source has yet to be revealed. I've also been quite overwhelmed with joy as I've been working this past week at my Alma Mater. I don't know what it is about being outside, getting dirty, wet, and sweating. I don't know what it is about sitting on a mower and weed eating for hours but it overwhelms me with joy. My body aches right now, my forearms still feel like jello, but when I'm out there in the sun or rain working that doesn't matter.
As I've worked God's been reminding me of the verse in Colossians where Paul admonishes the church that whatever they say and do "do all for the glory of God." It's been a joy to press on with that attitude. He's also reminded me of my pride and how I want to sometimes bear the burden of work alone so that people will notice and be impressed with me. What foolishness, but it is truth nonetheless. It's been a blessing to present that sin to Him and repent, receiving His grace and forgiveness. I don't want to be a prideful man, I can't be a prideful man. I cannot love my future wife and love my children with a heart full of pride. Oh that I may be a man of humility! Alas it will take my whole life and much humiliation but by God's grace I will be such a man.
So all this being said, my heart is in a strange state and I'm longing for some clarity. Not that I even want God to answer my questions, though they are many. I just need Him to reveal Himself to me in a greater way. I must have Him and the confusion and chaos will not touch me. The gaze seems blurry right now and I need the clarity of His Truth to bring light into my eyes. Oh that I may see Him and rest in His Presence!
I feel as if I've been drifting lately, numb in a lot of ways, confused in so many others. I was thinking today wondering what the source of this numbness, semi-apathy. I'm wondering if its a defense mechanism to keep myself from totally freaking out about all the unknowns in my life. It's just a theory, but I maybe I'm repressing emotions and trying to hide my fear. Hmmmmmm.....interesting.
Emotions have not been completely fleeting from me though, so its not like I'm paralyzed. I'm still hopeful and so that keeps me from falling into a spiritual panic, because one of my greatest fears is being spiritually apathetic and numb. I've been wrestling some with sadness, though its source has yet to be revealed. I've also been quite overwhelmed with joy as I've been working this past week at my Alma Mater. I don't know what it is about being outside, getting dirty, wet, and sweating. I don't know what it is about sitting on a mower and weed eating for hours but it overwhelms me with joy. My body aches right now, my forearms still feel like jello, but when I'm out there in the sun or rain working that doesn't matter.
As I've worked God's been reminding me of the verse in Colossians where Paul admonishes the church that whatever they say and do "do all for the glory of God." It's been a joy to press on with that attitude. He's also reminded me of my pride and how I want to sometimes bear the burden of work alone so that people will notice and be impressed with me. What foolishness, but it is truth nonetheless. It's been a blessing to present that sin to Him and repent, receiving His grace and forgiveness. I don't want to be a prideful man, I can't be a prideful man. I cannot love my future wife and love my children with a heart full of pride. Oh that I may be a man of humility! Alas it will take my whole life and much humiliation but by God's grace I will be such a man.
So all this being said, my heart is in a strange state and I'm longing for some clarity. Not that I even want God to answer my questions, though they are many. I just need Him to reveal Himself to me in a greater way. I must have Him and the confusion and chaos will not touch me. The gaze seems blurry right now and I need the clarity of His Truth to bring light into my eyes. Oh that I may see Him and rest in His Presence!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Musings on Manhood (Intro)
Being a man means many things, most of which I haven't even begun to grasp. What does it mean to be the head of a house? What does it mean to love my wife as Christ loves the Church? What does it mean to be a man of strength yet clothed with a heart of compassion? And the questions go on.
The responsibilities of being a man are never ending and the burden is honestly more then I can bear. Praise God their is grace offered to me through Christ. He is the only way and will be the only way I will ever be the man I'm called to be. It's overwhelming to see where I am now and where I need to be but once again my soul cries out and the sweet mercy of God is there ministering, teaching and rebuking my needy heart. One of the greatest wrestlings of a man's heart is an issue of adequacy....Do I have what it takes? It's a question that pushes men to be aggressive, power hungry jerks or passive, pansies that get blown away by a gentle breeze.
I've always found myself being in the latter category, passive pansy, paralyzed by fear, unwilling to move because I'm afraid to fail. Now here is where many people would stop and look back at their childhood and begin to blame their parents for being how they are. You know, I'm not going to do that. My passivity and lack of godly leadership in the past has been birthed from one thing and this is....my sin. It was my sin that made the decisions, that thought the thoughts, that ignored the commandments of God. Did my childhood effect me? Yes, you better believe it did. But I refuse to blame my father or my mother for my own sinful decisions. Could they have done better, taught me how to be a man? Of course, but I'm so tired of everyone shifting blame. Men, we need to take responsibility for the decisions we've made. That is the only way we can truly repent and BE the men God calls us to be. That was a bit of a tangent rant. Anyways.....
In the past year or so I've begun to look at manhood more seriously, asking questions, reading Scripture and books, and crying out to God for wisdom. "Oh, God teach me how to be a man!" Because you know what? I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! Haha, tis true my friends. In the midst of my crying out, our faithful God has answered my cry, refining me. I am confident that this refinement will fashion me into the man I long to be and that my future wife needs me to be, so that we can bring glory to God as we live out Ephesians 5:22-33 together. Man, that is exciting to think about. I get all fired up every time I read that Scripture.
So what has He been teaching me? Well, I shall save that for a future post.
The responsibilities of being a man are never ending and the burden is honestly more then I can bear. Praise God their is grace offered to me through Christ. He is the only way and will be the only way I will ever be the man I'm called to be. It's overwhelming to see where I am now and where I need to be but once again my soul cries out and the sweet mercy of God is there ministering, teaching and rebuking my needy heart. One of the greatest wrestlings of a man's heart is an issue of adequacy....Do I have what it takes? It's a question that pushes men to be aggressive, power hungry jerks or passive, pansies that get blown away by a gentle breeze.
I've always found myself being in the latter category, passive pansy, paralyzed by fear, unwilling to move because I'm afraid to fail. Now here is where many people would stop and look back at their childhood and begin to blame their parents for being how they are. You know, I'm not going to do that. My passivity and lack of godly leadership in the past has been birthed from one thing and this is....my sin. It was my sin that made the decisions, that thought the thoughts, that ignored the commandments of God. Did my childhood effect me? Yes, you better believe it did. But I refuse to blame my father or my mother for my own sinful decisions. Could they have done better, taught me how to be a man? Of course, but I'm so tired of everyone shifting blame. Men, we need to take responsibility for the decisions we've made. That is the only way we can truly repent and BE the men God calls us to be. That was a bit of a tangent rant. Anyways.....
In the past year or so I've begun to look at manhood more seriously, asking questions, reading Scripture and books, and crying out to God for wisdom. "Oh, God teach me how to be a man!" Because you know what? I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! Haha, tis true my friends. In the midst of my crying out, our faithful God has answered my cry, refining me. I am confident that this refinement will fashion me into the man I long to be and that my future wife needs me to be, so that we can bring glory to God as we live out Ephesians 5:22-33 together. Man, that is exciting to think about. I get all fired up every time I read that Scripture.
So what has He been teaching me? Well, I shall save that for a future post.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Hunger
I love that God has placed in me a hunger for His Word. And its not because of anything I have done. I'm a fool. But He has heard my cries for help, He has answered my petitions for a hunger for His Word.
This morning I was awoken earlier then I had planned. Work came sooner so I wasn't able to spend my normal time in the Word with my Father. Thankfully I took a couple minutes and pleaded for God to be gracious with me. Oh, He was. Did anything wild and crazy happen today? Nope. That just the miracle right there! He sustained me in peace. If you know me, you know that I can be an emotional basketcase. Yes its true. So for me to make it through the day battling the lies of the Enemy and come out on top. That my friends is a gift from God.
What I found even more exciting was the fact that as the day progressed I began to feel a growing hunger in my soul for His Word. It's similar to being hungry for food, but it SO different at the same time. Foolishly I didn't grab my Bible as soon as I got home from work. Instead I went to the to-do list and started getting those things done. BAD MOVE. God is so gracious to us. We are blind and wretched fools yet He still loves us. That blows me away.
All that to say when I finally opened the Word tonight to Ephesians 3, MAN, it was like a drink of cold water on a 100 degree Kansas day! That doesn't even give it justice. Reading the words of our Father and feeling that satisfying reality overwhelm my soul is amazing. I love being hungry for His Word.
This morning I was awoken earlier then I had planned. Work came sooner so I wasn't able to spend my normal time in the Word with my Father. Thankfully I took a couple minutes and pleaded for God to be gracious with me. Oh, He was. Did anything wild and crazy happen today? Nope. That just the miracle right there! He sustained me in peace. If you know me, you know that I can be an emotional basketcase. Yes its true. So for me to make it through the day battling the lies of the Enemy and come out on top. That my friends is a gift from God.
What I found even more exciting was the fact that as the day progressed I began to feel a growing hunger in my soul for His Word. It's similar to being hungry for food, but it SO different at the same time. Foolishly I didn't grab my Bible as soon as I got home from work. Instead I went to the to-do list and started getting those things done. BAD MOVE. God is so gracious to us. We are blind and wretched fools yet He still loves us. That blows me away.
All that to say when I finally opened the Word tonight to Ephesians 3, MAN, it was like a drink of cold water on a 100 degree Kansas day! That doesn't even give it justice. Reading the words of our Father and feeling that satisfying reality overwhelm my soul is amazing. I love being hungry for His Word.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Faithfulness of Our God
Who are You?
"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103:5
Oh,wow, really?
Life happens.....we forget
God,who are You!?!?!
"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." Ex. 34:6-7
Wow, God, really? But it just doesn't feel true.
Life happens....we believe lies.
Father, who are You!?!
"The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. The LORD preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy." Psalm 145:17-20
Wow. We forget, You remind.
Oh the faithfulness of our God.
"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103:5
Oh,wow, really?
Life happens.....we forget
God,who are You!?!?!
"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." Ex. 34:6-7
Wow, God, really? But it just doesn't feel true.
Life happens....we believe lies.
Father, who are You!?!
"The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. The LORD preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy." Psalm 145:17-20
Wow. We forget, You remind.
Oh the faithfulness of our God.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A Small Part in a Big Plan
This morning I decided to start at the beginning. I had been jumping all around the Bible the past six to nine months. While this isn't a bad method of studying the Bible, I keep hearing about the importance of reading it in the whole context of things. So I decided to follow the wisdom of those older then I. Matthew chapter one is where I started.
Now some may ask, "Isn't Genesis the first book of the Bible?" Yes and there is surpassing value in the Old Testament, however I felt compelled to begin in the New Testament. What is wild about all of that is that as I was studying the first chapter I kept turning back to the Old Testament in reference what I was reading. Interesting how they work so beautifully together eh? Coincidence....I think not.
After attempting to read the whole chapter out loud, which was interesting because that genealogy has some crazy names in it, I was drawn to the person of Joseph. This man is mentioned very little yet the impact he made was invaluable. He isn't mentioned anywhere after Jesus left his home. There are many unanswered questions about him. Did he die? We simply do not know. But the role that he played proved to alter history.
A little background to begin. Mary was betrothed to Joseph. What does that mean? Well, we would probably correlate the word engagement to bethrothal, but I'm convinced it meant quite a bit more back then. In today's world people get engaged and unengaged in a heartbeat so the word doesn't seem to hold the weight that it needs to. Mary was legally pledged to Joseph. It was basically pre-marriage. She was hands off to any other man. She was to be his and his alone. So you can only image the emotions and thoughts that went through Joseph's head when he found out that she was pregnant. Betrayal. Anger. Brokenness. Bitterness. Now I won't pretend to know exactly how he felt of what was going through his mind, but I do know how he reacted. "And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly." (vs.19) Wow. He had every right to scream, "WHORE! PROSTITUTE! HARLOT!" at the top of his lungs, but he didn't. He had every right to present her to the congregation of Jews to have her stoned for this perceived adultery. Deut. 22:23 states it with crystal clarity, "If there is a betrothed virgin, and a man meets her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones." (Quick side note: I'm assuming that they were in a city when she conceived. If she was in the country at the time of conception then legally she wasn't to be put to death according to vs.24 in Leviticus.) Either way, the implications of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy were condemning.
All this being said we reflect on Joseph's reaction and marvel at a man of such integrity. By God's grace he didn't make a quick decision and divorce her but "considered" what he should do. A lot of times we miss this part of decision making. We do not take time to "consider" what we should do or what we should say. It was in this time that God spoke to him with words that would change his life forever. "Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." (vs.20-21)
Joseph had a choice like so many of us do. It wasn't an easy choice. It wasn't a safe choice. It was a risky choice. He was putting his reputation on the line. If the people found out he was going to marry an adulteress it would have been devastating to his name.(Names were a big deal back then.) Yet he chose obedience. And by God's grace, his choice was world changing. If at first he would have chosen to expose Mary for her perceived adultery Jesus would have been viewed as a bastard child, illegitimate. No big deal, right? WRONG. He would have had no name for himself and no one would have given him the time of day let alone a status as Rabbi. Bastard children do not become Rabbis. Joseph's silence prevented that exposure.
Joseph's obedience was an invaluable step in the furthering of the Kingdom of God. He stood with quiet strength, trusting in the word of God, though he probably didn't understand it. And in his final act of obedience Joseph did something that I look forward to doing someday to my children. He gave the Son of God his name. "And he called his name Jesus." (vs.25)
I thank God for men like Joseph who were obedient even when life didn't make sense, even when it was hard. They model for me a way of life that I know God is pleased with. Joseph wasn't a great man because he was the earthly father of Jesus. He was a great man because he was obedient. And his obedience brought to this world a God who became flesh and dwelt among us, a God who came to save His people from their sins. Thanks be to God for that.
Now some may ask, "Isn't Genesis the first book of the Bible?" Yes and there is surpassing value in the Old Testament, however I felt compelled to begin in the New Testament. What is wild about all of that is that as I was studying the first chapter I kept turning back to the Old Testament in reference what I was reading. Interesting how they work so beautifully together eh? Coincidence....I think not.
After attempting to read the whole chapter out loud, which was interesting because that genealogy has some crazy names in it, I was drawn to the person of Joseph. This man is mentioned very little yet the impact he made was invaluable. He isn't mentioned anywhere after Jesus left his home. There are many unanswered questions about him. Did he die? We simply do not know. But the role that he played proved to alter history.
A little background to begin. Mary was betrothed to Joseph. What does that mean? Well, we would probably correlate the word engagement to bethrothal, but I'm convinced it meant quite a bit more back then. In today's world people get engaged and unengaged in a heartbeat so the word doesn't seem to hold the weight that it needs to. Mary was legally pledged to Joseph. It was basically pre-marriage. She was hands off to any other man. She was to be his and his alone. So you can only image the emotions and thoughts that went through Joseph's head when he found out that she was pregnant. Betrayal. Anger. Brokenness. Bitterness. Now I won't pretend to know exactly how he felt of what was going through his mind, but I do know how he reacted. "And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly." (vs.19) Wow. He had every right to scream, "WHORE! PROSTITUTE! HARLOT!" at the top of his lungs, but he didn't. He had every right to present her to the congregation of Jews to have her stoned for this perceived adultery. Deut. 22:23 states it with crystal clarity, "If there is a betrothed virgin, and a man meets her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones." (Quick side note: I'm assuming that they were in a city when she conceived. If she was in the country at the time of conception then legally she wasn't to be put to death according to vs.24 in Leviticus.) Either way, the implications of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy were condemning.
All this being said we reflect on Joseph's reaction and marvel at a man of such integrity. By God's grace he didn't make a quick decision and divorce her but "considered" what he should do. A lot of times we miss this part of decision making. We do not take time to "consider" what we should do or what we should say. It was in this time that God spoke to him with words that would change his life forever. "Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." (vs.20-21)
Joseph had a choice like so many of us do. It wasn't an easy choice. It wasn't a safe choice. It was a risky choice. He was putting his reputation on the line. If the people found out he was going to marry an adulteress it would have been devastating to his name.(Names were a big deal back then.) Yet he chose obedience. And by God's grace, his choice was world changing. If at first he would have chosen to expose Mary for her perceived adultery Jesus would have been viewed as a bastard child, illegitimate. No big deal, right? WRONG. He would have had no name for himself and no one would have given him the time of day let alone a status as Rabbi. Bastard children do not become Rabbis. Joseph's silence prevented that exposure.
Joseph's obedience was an invaluable step in the furthering of the Kingdom of God. He stood with quiet strength, trusting in the word of God, though he probably didn't understand it. And in his final act of obedience Joseph did something that I look forward to doing someday to my children. He gave the Son of God his name. "And he called his name Jesus." (vs.25)
I thank God for men like Joseph who were obedient even when life didn't make sense, even when it was hard. They model for me a way of life that I know God is pleased with. Joseph wasn't a great man because he was the earthly father of Jesus. He was a great man because he was obedient. And his obedience brought to this world a God who became flesh and dwelt among us, a God who came to save His people from their sins. Thanks be to God for that.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Unsettled, yet joyful as I watch Frego, the ferret, burrow through my unpacked stuff
Tonight I write with an unsettled heart, a frustrated heart. I've been here before. Many times. Apathy is hanging over my head, little motivation, too much on my to-do list, and a mind unable to allow me to process it all with any sanity. I guess I don't know where to start. Maybe that's my problem, I am looking for the place to start when I should just still myself upon my God and Father.
That can't be the answer can it? So easy, yet so difficult for this prideful, sin-driven flesh of mine. I just read Psalm 46 yesterday. "Cease striving, and know that I am God." Man, I'm dense! But that is why there is grace eh?
Perspective is so much of the Christian life. How we view things changes everything. I think of the popular proverb, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Leaning not on your own understanding, looking not through your own scratched and blurry lenses. Acknowledge Him. Recognizing who He is and what He promises to His children. Worship Him! Then your path will be straight. Why? Because your gaze is fixed once again on the only One who matters. Jesus Christ.
That can't be the answer can it? So easy, yet so difficult for this prideful, sin-driven flesh of mine. I just read Psalm 46 yesterday. "Cease striving, and know that I am God." Man, I'm dense! But that is why there is grace eh?
Perspective is so much of the Christian life. How we view things changes everything. I think of the popular proverb, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Leaning not on your own understanding, looking not through your own scratched and blurry lenses. Acknowledge Him. Recognizing who He is and what He promises to His children. Worship Him! Then your path will be straight. Why? Because your gaze is fixed once again on the only One who matters. Jesus Christ.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Just some writing (A Work in Progress)
Who do you want to be when you grow up? As a child, I remember wanting to be a firefighter, a doctor, and a soldier among many other things. These desires of course changed according to the game I was playing at the time. I lived to pretend and to dream. Many days I fought valiantly against the dragons invading my backyard, heroically protecting the beautiful princess in the jungle gym, I mean castle, behind me. I blew countless Nazis to kingdom come with my pine cone grenades and cap machine gun. I wanted to save the world, be the hero, and still have mom tuck me into my bed at the night. It was a perfect life for me. It was who I wanted to be. It was who I was, at least in my mind and isn’t that all that mattered?
Soon, however, I aged into middle school. A different reality dawned. It was one immersed in paranoia and total self-confusion. Everyone was looking at me, examining me and critiquing me to see if I won the approval of the prestigious “in-crowd”. That was my perception of it anyways and I’m quite sure I wasn’t alone. I was determined to meet these expectations, for my social life depended on it. Therefore my life depended on it.
I lived for the approval of my peers and ingested their fickle and ruthless words as gospel. Nothing outside of this worldview mattered. The Peer’s Word remained true. Parents, religion, friendship were all just means to the end. Acceptance. A smile from a cute girl, scoring fifteen points on the school’s basketball team, making fun of the awkward kid, this was my salvation. Recognition and approval was my motivation. But it was fleeting. Reaching one standard did not guarantee an eternal destiny of popularity. It only promised fifteen minutes of fame…….maybe. There was neither certainty nor rest for the weary. It was an addiction, a lust. A taste that never granted satisfaction, it only heightened the longing with every morsel that was devoured. I was a starving man in the desert chasing vainly after the mirages before me. I didn’t like it, in fact I abhorred it all, but I rationalized that my continued existence deemed it necessary. It was a necessary evil. So entangled in this web of influence, I entertained these thoughts as truth when the stench of their deception was so blatantly obvious.
The days of playful adventures and dreaming big dreams had long passed. Sand castles and mud pies were now ancient history. No more fun and games. It was about survival. It was about chasing popularity and reaching the status of "cool", the envy of my peers. I now wanted to grow up and be whoever the "cool" people wanted me to be. Yet these strivings brought me nothing but greater loneliness and disillusionment. I realized too much later the fickleness of shallow relationships and the impossibility of my pursuit. Heartbreak and despair was my only constant and faithful companion. But by God's grace those hellish years were brief and I soon began to find myself, but most importantly I found the One to whom my heart belonged…….Rescue was coming.
(More to come, God-willing)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Morning Thoughts
It is another glorious morning in the great state of Nebraska. As I am looking to move this coming Saturday it is becoming more and more real to me just how much I am going to miss it up here. Though there are many similarities with Kansas, my home state, I am finding there is just something uniquely different here. The sunsets are breathtaking, the stars are bright and majestic, and every single person (almost) you pass by as you are driving waves at you. I was taking a walk around my favorite park the other evening just reflecting on the goodness of God as I've spent a season of much struggle. As I walked around this pond, listening to the birds, watching the rabbits play, and witnessing another breathtaking sunset I couldn't help but worship my Father. One of the things I learned in the midst of such struggle was the great importance of worship and recalling the greatness of God. So many times we get lost in affliction and our focus turns in on ourselves and we quickly find ourselves spiraling further and further down the path of despair. But when we recall the faithfulness and majesty of our God we make Him our focus and that is exactly where our eyes need to be gazed. The Psalmist echoes this truth, "One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD and to meditate in His temple." (27:4) His beauty must be our greatest desire. Our cry must be the cry of Moses who proclaimed, "Show me your Glory!" This truth was further affirmed in my life as I was reading in 2 Corinthians. When we behold the glory and beauty of the Lord it transforms us, not into a mere moral or good person. No, something far beyond what we could even imagine! We become transformed into the image of CHRIST! That is an astounding truth to me. It continues to rock my world and drive me towards the prize. Oh, that I may see Him! "Better is one days in Your courts than thousands elsewhere." In the words of a friend's blog, "Beholding is becoming." How true that is regarding our fellowship with Christ. So today I set my heart to see Jesus Christ. May I not get lost in the tasks of the day or the sin of my wayward heart. But that I may see Christ, exalted in all his beauty and splendor.
"But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18
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