So as I'm close to wrapping up Matthew I was reading in chapter 27 today. This is an extremely heavy and turbulent chapter as it goes through Jesus' accusations, his condemnation, his torture, his death, and his burial. It is intense in so many ways and arouses many emotions from anger, to guilt, to confusion, to hope.
Though there is so much that I could talk about in reference to this chapter I just wanted to briefly share what came to my attention for the first time as I was reading this morning. In verses 15-26 Pilate is addressing the crowd concerning whether or not Jesus or Barabbas should be condemned. The crowd being convinced by the Pharisees cry out condemnation, "Let him be crucified!" What hit me afresh this time reading through this series of events was verse 25 when the crowd cries out, "His blood be on us and on our children!" I noticed for the first time that those who condemned Jesus were prophets! You may ask how and I shall explain. When they cried out that Christ's blood be on them and their children that quite literally became true in His death and resurrection. Jesus, being the Spotless Lamb, was sacrificed for our sins and His blood is our atonement. So while the crowd was crying out in hatred, demanding to shed his blood, God in His amazing sovereignty orchestrated the requirement that the blood of Christ MUST be on us and our children if we are too gain eternal life.
I thought it was one of those cool little reminders of God transforming the evil motives and actions of mankind into the glorious redemption of mankind through the death and resurrection of His Son.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Trying to verbalize.....
So my life is pretty uncertain right now. I guess if you put it in its proper perspective it has always been uncertain in the sense that I do not know what is ahead. Only God knows. But the past months have brought this Truth to the forefront in my life. It's so much more then just knowing what job I'm going to get or where I might live. It's deeper and it is bringing me face to face with the decision to trust or too flee. Will I trust that God has a GOOD plan for my life, for the next month, for tomorrow? Or will I flee and hide in anxiety and fear, refusing to actively seek my Father who promises to provide?
I feel as if I've been drifting lately, numb in a lot of ways, confused in so many others. I was thinking today wondering what the source of this numbness, semi-apathy. I'm wondering if its a defense mechanism to keep myself from totally freaking out about all the unknowns in my life. It's just a theory, but I maybe I'm repressing emotions and trying to hide my fear. Hmmmmmm.....interesting.
Emotions have not been completely fleeting from me though, so its not like I'm paralyzed. I'm still hopeful and so that keeps me from falling into a spiritual panic, because one of my greatest fears is being spiritually apathetic and numb. I've been wrestling some with sadness, though its source has yet to be revealed. I've also been quite overwhelmed with joy as I've been working this past week at my Alma Mater. I don't know what it is about being outside, getting dirty, wet, and sweating. I don't know what it is about sitting on a mower and weed eating for hours but it overwhelms me with joy. My body aches right now, my forearms still feel like jello, but when I'm out there in the sun or rain working that doesn't matter.
As I've worked God's been reminding me of the verse in Colossians where Paul admonishes the church that whatever they say and do "do all for the glory of God." It's been a joy to press on with that attitude. He's also reminded me of my pride and how I want to sometimes bear the burden of work alone so that people will notice and be impressed with me. What foolishness, but it is truth nonetheless. It's been a blessing to present that sin to Him and repent, receiving His grace and forgiveness. I don't want to be a prideful man, I can't be a prideful man. I cannot love my future wife and love my children with a heart full of pride. Oh that I may be a man of humility! Alas it will take my whole life and much humiliation but by God's grace I will be such a man.
So all this being said, my heart is in a strange state and I'm longing for some clarity. Not that I even want God to answer my questions, though they are many. I just need Him to reveal Himself to me in a greater way. I must have Him and the confusion and chaos will not touch me. The gaze seems blurry right now and I need the clarity of His Truth to bring light into my eyes. Oh that I may see Him and rest in His Presence!
I feel as if I've been drifting lately, numb in a lot of ways, confused in so many others. I was thinking today wondering what the source of this numbness, semi-apathy. I'm wondering if its a defense mechanism to keep myself from totally freaking out about all the unknowns in my life. It's just a theory, but I maybe I'm repressing emotions and trying to hide my fear. Hmmmmmm.....interesting.
Emotions have not been completely fleeting from me though, so its not like I'm paralyzed. I'm still hopeful and so that keeps me from falling into a spiritual panic, because one of my greatest fears is being spiritually apathetic and numb. I've been wrestling some with sadness, though its source has yet to be revealed. I've also been quite overwhelmed with joy as I've been working this past week at my Alma Mater. I don't know what it is about being outside, getting dirty, wet, and sweating. I don't know what it is about sitting on a mower and weed eating for hours but it overwhelms me with joy. My body aches right now, my forearms still feel like jello, but when I'm out there in the sun or rain working that doesn't matter.
As I've worked God's been reminding me of the verse in Colossians where Paul admonishes the church that whatever they say and do "do all for the glory of God." It's been a joy to press on with that attitude. He's also reminded me of my pride and how I want to sometimes bear the burden of work alone so that people will notice and be impressed with me. What foolishness, but it is truth nonetheless. It's been a blessing to present that sin to Him and repent, receiving His grace and forgiveness. I don't want to be a prideful man, I can't be a prideful man. I cannot love my future wife and love my children with a heart full of pride. Oh that I may be a man of humility! Alas it will take my whole life and much humiliation but by God's grace I will be such a man.
So all this being said, my heart is in a strange state and I'm longing for some clarity. Not that I even want God to answer my questions, though they are many. I just need Him to reveal Himself to me in a greater way. I must have Him and the confusion and chaos will not touch me. The gaze seems blurry right now and I need the clarity of His Truth to bring light into my eyes. Oh that I may see Him and rest in His Presence!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Musings on Manhood (Intro)
Being a man means many things, most of which I haven't even begun to grasp. What does it mean to be the head of a house? What does it mean to love my wife as Christ loves the Church? What does it mean to be a man of strength yet clothed with a heart of compassion? And the questions go on.
The responsibilities of being a man are never ending and the burden is honestly more then I can bear. Praise God their is grace offered to me through Christ. He is the only way and will be the only way I will ever be the man I'm called to be. It's overwhelming to see where I am now and where I need to be but once again my soul cries out and the sweet mercy of God is there ministering, teaching and rebuking my needy heart. One of the greatest wrestlings of a man's heart is an issue of adequacy....Do I have what it takes? It's a question that pushes men to be aggressive, power hungry jerks or passive, pansies that get blown away by a gentle breeze.
I've always found myself being in the latter category, passive pansy, paralyzed by fear, unwilling to move because I'm afraid to fail. Now here is where many people would stop and look back at their childhood and begin to blame their parents for being how they are. You know, I'm not going to do that. My passivity and lack of godly leadership in the past has been birthed from one thing and this is....my sin. It was my sin that made the decisions, that thought the thoughts, that ignored the commandments of God. Did my childhood effect me? Yes, you better believe it did. But I refuse to blame my father or my mother for my own sinful decisions. Could they have done better, taught me how to be a man? Of course, but I'm so tired of everyone shifting blame. Men, we need to take responsibility for the decisions we've made. That is the only way we can truly repent and BE the men God calls us to be. That was a bit of a tangent rant. Anyways.....
In the past year or so I've begun to look at manhood more seriously, asking questions, reading Scripture and books, and crying out to God for wisdom. "Oh, God teach me how to be a man!" Because you know what? I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! Haha, tis true my friends. In the midst of my crying out, our faithful God has answered my cry, refining me. I am confident that this refinement will fashion me into the man I long to be and that my future wife needs me to be, so that we can bring glory to God as we live out Ephesians 5:22-33 together. Man, that is exciting to think about. I get all fired up every time I read that Scripture.
So what has He been teaching me? Well, I shall save that for a future post.
The responsibilities of being a man are never ending and the burden is honestly more then I can bear. Praise God their is grace offered to me through Christ. He is the only way and will be the only way I will ever be the man I'm called to be. It's overwhelming to see where I am now and where I need to be but once again my soul cries out and the sweet mercy of God is there ministering, teaching and rebuking my needy heart. One of the greatest wrestlings of a man's heart is an issue of adequacy....Do I have what it takes? It's a question that pushes men to be aggressive, power hungry jerks or passive, pansies that get blown away by a gentle breeze.
I've always found myself being in the latter category, passive pansy, paralyzed by fear, unwilling to move because I'm afraid to fail. Now here is where many people would stop and look back at their childhood and begin to blame their parents for being how they are. You know, I'm not going to do that. My passivity and lack of godly leadership in the past has been birthed from one thing and this is....my sin. It was my sin that made the decisions, that thought the thoughts, that ignored the commandments of God. Did my childhood effect me? Yes, you better believe it did. But I refuse to blame my father or my mother for my own sinful decisions. Could they have done better, taught me how to be a man? Of course, but I'm so tired of everyone shifting blame. Men, we need to take responsibility for the decisions we've made. That is the only way we can truly repent and BE the men God calls us to be. That was a bit of a tangent rant. Anyways.....
In the past year or so I've begun to look at manhood more seriously, asking questions, reading Scripture and books, and crying out to God for wisdom. "Oh, God teach me how to be a man!" Because you know what? I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! Haha, tis true my friends. In the midst of my crying out, our faithful God has answered my cry, refining me. I am confident that this refinement will fashion me into the man I long to be and that my future wife needs me to be, so that we can bring glory to God as we live out Ephesians 5:22-33 together. Man, that is exciting to think about. I get all fired up every time I read that Scripture.
So what has He been teaching me? Well, I shall save that for a future post.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Hunger
I love that God has placed in me a hunger for His Word. And its not because of anything I have done. I'm a fool. But He has heard my cries for help, He has answered my petitions for a hunger for His Word.
This morning I was awoken earlier then I had planned. Work came sooner so I wasn't able to spend my normal time in the Word with my Father. Thankfully I took a couple minutes and pleaded for God to be gracious with me. Oh, He was. Did anything wild and crazy happen today? Nope. That just the miracle right there! He sustained me in peace. If you know me, you know that I can be an emotional basketcase. Yes its true. So for me to make it through the day battling the lies of the Enemy and come out on top. That my friends is a gift from God.
What I found even more exciting was the fact that as the day progressed I began to feel a growing hunger in my soul for His Word. It's similar to being hungry for food, but it SO different at the same time. Foolishly I didn't grab my Bible as soon as I got home from work. Instead I went to the to-do list and started getting those things done. BAD MOVE. God is so gracious to us. We are blind and wretched fools yet He still loves us. That blows me away.
All that to say when I finally opened the Word tonight to Ephesians 3, MAN, it was like a drink of cold water on a 100 degree Kansas day! That doesn't even give it justice. Reading the words of our Father and feeling that satisfying reality overwhelm my soul is amazing. I love being hungry for His Word.
This morning I was awoken earlier then I had planned. Work came sooner so I wasn't able to spend my normal time in the Word with my Father. Thankfully I took a couple minutes and pleaded for God to be gracious with me. Oh, He was. Did anything wild and crazy happen today? Nope. That just the miracle right there! He sustained me in peace. If you know me, you know that I can be an emotional basketcase. Yes its true. So for me to make it through the day battling the lies of the Enemy and come out on top. That my friends is a gift from God.
What I found even more exciting was the fact that as the day progressed I began to feel a growing hunger in my soul for His Word. It's similar to being hungry for food, but it SO different at the same time. Foolishly I didn't grab my Bible as soon as I got home from work. Instead I went to the to-do list and started getting those things done. BAD MOVE. God is so gracious to us. We are blind and wretched fools yet He still loves us. That blows me away.
All that to say when I finally opened the Word tonight to Ephesians 3, MAN, it was like a drink of cold water on a 100 degree Kansas day! That doesn't even give it justice. Reading the words of our Father and feeling that satisfying reality overwhelm my soul is amazing. I love being hungry for His Word.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Faithfulness of Our God
Who are You?
"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103:5
Oh,wow, really?
Life happens.....we forget
God,who are You!?!?!
"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." Ex. 34:6-7
Wow, God, really? But it just doesn't feel true.
Life happens....we believe lies.
Father, who are You!?!
"The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. The LORD preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy." Psalm 145:17-20
Wow. We forget, You remind.
Oh the faithfulness of our God.
"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103:5
Oh,wow, really?
Life happens.....we forget
God,who are You!?!?!
"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." Ex. 34:6-7
Wow, God, really? But it just doesn't feel true.
Life happens....we believe lies.
Father, who are You!?!
"The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. The LORD preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy." Psalm 145:17-20
Wow. We forget, You remind.
Oh the faithfulness of our God.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A Small Part in a Big Plan
This morning I decided to start at the beginning. I had been jumping all around the Bible the past six to nine months. While this isn't a bad method of studying the Bible, I keep hearing about the importance of reading it in the whole context of things. So I decided to follow the wisdom of those older then I. Matthew chapter one is where I started.
Now some may ask, "Isn't Genesis the first book of the Bible?" Yes and there is surpassing value in the Old Testament, however I felt compelled to begin in the New Testament. What is wild about all of that is that as I was studying the first chapter I kept turning back to the Old Testament in reference what I was reading. Interesting how they work so beautifully together eh? Coincidence....I think not.
After attempting to read the whole chapter out loud, which was interesting because that genealogy has some crazy names in it, I was drawn to the person of Joseph. This man is mentioned very little yet the impact he made was invaluable. He isn't mentioned anywhere after Jesus left his home. There are many unanswered questions about him. Did he die? We simply do not know. But the role that he played proved to alter history.
A little background to begin. Mary was betrothed to Joseph. What does that mean? Well, we would probably correlate the word engagement to bethrothal, but I'm convinced it meant quite a bit more back then. In today's world people get engaged and unengaged in a heartbeat so the word doesn't seem to hold the weight that it needs to. Mary was legally pledged to Joseph. It was basically pre-marriage. She was hands off to any other man. She was to be his and his alone. So you can only image the emotions and thoughts that went through Joseph's head when he found out that she was pregnant. Betrayal. Anger. Brokenness. Bitterness. Now I won't pretend to know exactly how he felt of what was going through his mind, but I do know how he reacted. "And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly." (vs.19) Wow. He had every right to scream, "WHORE! PROSTITUTE! HARLOT!" at the top of his lungs, but he didn't. He had every right to present her to the congregation of Jews to have her stoned for this perceived adultery. Deut. 22:23 states it with crystal clarity, "If there is a betrothed virgin, and a man meets her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones." (Quick side note: I'm assuming that they were in a city when she conceived. If she was in the country at the time of conception then legally she wasn't to be put to death according to vs.24 in Leviticus.) Either way, the implications of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy were condemning.
All this being said we reflect on Joseph's reaction and marvel at a man of such integrity. By God's grace he didn't make a quick decision and divorce her but "considered" what he should do. A lot of times we miss this part of decision making. We do not take time to "consider" what we should do or what we should say. It was in this time that God spoke to him with words that would change his life forever. "Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." (vs.20-21)
Joseph had a choice like so many of us do. It wasn't an easy choice. It wasn't a safe choice. It was a risky choice. He was putting his reputation on the line. If the people found out he was going to marry an adulteress it would have been devastating to his name.(Names were a big deal back then.) Yet he chose obedience. And by God's grace, his choice was world changing. If at first he would have chosen to expose Mary for her perceived adultery Jesus would have been viewed as a bastard child, illegitimate. No big deal, right? WRONG. He would have had no name for himself and no one would have given him the time of day let alone a status as Rabbi. Bastard children do not become Rabbis. Joseph's silence prevented that exposure.
Joseph's obedience was an invaluable step in the furthering of the Kingdom of God. He stood with quiet strength, trusting in the word of God, though he probably didn't understand it. And in his final act of obedience Joseph did something that I look forward to doing someday to my children. He gave the Son of God his name. "And he called his name Jesus." (vs.25)
I thank God for men like Joseph who were obedient even when life didn't make sense, even when it was hard. They model for me a way of life that I know God is pleased with. Joseph wasn't a great man because he was the earthly father of Jesus. He was a great man because he was obedient. And his obedience brought to this world a God who became flesh and dwelt among us, a God who came to save His people from their sins. Thanks be to God for that.
Now some may ask, "Isn't Genesis the first book of the Bible?" Yes and there is surpassing value in the Old Testament, however I felt compelled to begin in the New Testament. What is wild about all of that is that as I was studying the first chapter I kept turning back to the Old Testament in reference what I was reading. Interesting how they work so beautifully together eh? Coincidence....I think not.
After attempting to read the whole chapter out loud, which was interesting because that genealogy has some crazy names in it, I was drawn to the person of Joseph. This man is mentioned very little yet the impact he made was invaluable. He isn't mentioned anywhere after Jesus left his home. There are many unanswered questions about him. Did he die? We simply do not know. But the role that he played proved to alter history.
A little background to begin. Mary was betrothed to Joseph. What does that mean? Well, we would probably correlate the word engagement to bethrothal, but I'm convinced it meant quite a bit more back then. In today's world people get engaged and unengaged in a heartbeat so the word doesn't seem to hold the weight that it needs to. Mary was legally pledged to Joseph. It was basically pre-marriage. She was hands off to any other man. She was to be his and his alone. So you can only image the emotions and thoughts that went through Joseph's head when he found out that she was pregnant. Betrayal. Anger. Brokenness. Bitterness. Now I won't pretend to know exactly how he felt of what was going through his mind, but I do know how he reacted. "And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly." (vs.19) Wow. He had every right to scream, "WHORE! PROSTITUTE! HARLOT!" at the top of his lungs, but he didn't. He had every right to present her to the congregation of Jews to have her stoned for this perceived adultery. Deut. 22:23 states it with crystal clarity, "If there is a betrothed virgin, and a man meets her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones." (Quick side note: I'm assuming that they were in a city when she conceived. If she was in the country at the time of conception then legally she wasn't to be put to death according to vs.24 in Leviticus.) Either way, the implications of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy were condemning.
All this being said we reflect on Joseph's reaction and marvel at a man of such integrity. By God's grace he didn't make a quick decision and divorce her but "considered" what he should do. A lot of times we miss this part of decision making. We do not take time to "consider" what we should do or what we should say. It was in this time that God spoke to him with words that would change his life forever. "Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." (vs.20-21)
Joseph had a choice like so many of us do. It wasn't an easy choice. It wasn't a safe choice. It was a risky choice. He was putting his reputation on the line. If the people found out he was going to marry an adulteress it would have been devastating to his name.(Names were a big deal back then.) Yet he chose obedience. And by God's grace, his choice was world changing. If at first he would have chosen to expose Mary for her perceived adultery Jesus would have been viewed as a bastard child, illegitimate. No big deal, right? WRONG. He would have had no name for himself and no one would have given him the time of day let alone a status as Rabbi. Bastard children do not become Rabbis. Joseph's silence prevented that exposure.
Joseph's obedience was an invaluable step in the furthering of the Kingdom of God. He stood with quiet strength, trusting in the word of God, though he probably didn't understand it. And in his final act of obedience Joseph did something that I look forward to doing someday to my children. He gave the Son of God his name. "And he called his name Jesus." (vs.25)
I thank God for men like Joseph who were obedient even when life didn't make sense, even when it was hard. They model for me a way of life that I know God is pleased with. Joseph wasn't a great man because he was the earthly father of Jesus. He was a great man because he was obedient. And his obedience brought to this world a God who became flesh and dwelt among us, a God who came to save His people from their sins. Thanks be to God for that.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Unsettled, yet joyful as I watch Frego, the ferret, burrow through my unpacked stuff
Tonight I write with an unsettled heart, a frustrated heart. I've been here before. Many times. Apathy is hanging over my head, little motivation, too much on my to-do list, and a mind unable to allow me to process it all with any sanity. I guess I don't know where to start. Maybe that's my problem, I am looking for the place to start when I should just still myself upon my God and Father.
That can't be the answer can it? So easy, yet so difficult for this prideful, sin-driven flesh of mine. I just read Psalm 46 yesterday. "Cease striving, and know that I am God." Man, I'm dense! But that is why there is grace eh?
Perspective is so much of the Christian life. How we view things changes everything. I think of the popular proverb, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Leaning not on your own understanding, looking not through your own scratched and blurry lenses. Acknowledge Him. Recognizing who He is and what He promises to His children. Worship Him! Then your path will be straight. Why? Because your gaze is fixed once again on the only One who matters. Jesus Christ.
That can't be the answer can it? So easy, yet so difficult for this prideful, sin-driven flesh of mine. I just read Psalm 46 yesterday. "Cease striving, and know that I am God." Man, I'm dense! But that is why there is grace eh?
Perspective is so much of the Christian life. How we view things changes everything. I think of the popular proverb, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Leaning not on your own understanding, looking not through your own scratched and blurry lenses. Acknowledge Him. Recognizing who He is and what He promises to His children. Worship Him! Then your path will be straight. Why? Because your gaze is fixed once again on the only One who matters. Jesus Christ.
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